I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
