There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
