Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
