just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
