Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
