If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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