what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
