Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
