what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
