I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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