I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
