i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
