I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I need a beard to bite.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
