I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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