i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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