My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
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