hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
