Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
