every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
