I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
