Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
