Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Randomize
