I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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