Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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