so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
