He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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