Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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