my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
