Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
