There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
