i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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