so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
