Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
