why didn't you poke me back
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
