I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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