1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
