just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
