Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
