Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize