well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize