hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
