the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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