I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
