Don't make out with my wife yet
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
