Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
