Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
