An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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