Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
