i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize