He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
