And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
