walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
No I am not eating basil off your cock
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
