When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
How many fucks given?
0.12846
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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