we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize