69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
