I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize