i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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