when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
