I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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