I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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