im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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