That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize