I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
