pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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