Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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