I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
