Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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