Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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