Grow some girl-balls and come out already
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
