lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
