I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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